More human connection, please!
Everyone is looking for love. Everyone is looking to be felt, seen, and heard. In the era of social media, where does casual dating even fit in? You swipe one way, and you are locked into the nerve-racking thought of “Is this the one?” You swipe another way and it’s the power of rejection right at your fingertips. I remember when people used to say, “Oh my God, be careful, you met them online!” and now its nonsensical to say you met someone in person. Now don’t get me wrong. I hear of countless success stories from online dating sites, my sister included. She met her husband on Matchmaker.com, but she met him over 10 years ago when there weren’t so many sites, and I’m sure the number of people subscribed was more like the size of a college graduating class compared to the population of Brooklyn, NY. Keep in mind, Brooklyn’s population is currently 2.5 million people. So where do we go from here?
The pandemic has made most people introverts, while the other percentage of people dived so far back into their work that they are missing the major attribute in a relationship - the
connection. I used to think meeting online was cool because it was a buffer of what’s to come. People list their personality traits along with their likes and dislikes like a weekly grocery list. I think it’s now become a hindrance. It’s opened the door for one sided conversations, stalking, and the overused term that you know as ghosting. It turned people into self-centered and shallow-driven humans. Who think they can look at a picture and immediately decide if they want to talk or meet with the person let alone have an intimate relationship with them. For me, my thought process has turned into “Is he tall, does he fit the part, does she smell good, does she wear cheap shoes?” Oh, did I forget to mention that I identify as pansexual. I know, tell me about it! My anxiety level when it comes to dating is through the roof because this seems to be happening with all genders.
I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way when it comes to dating, especially for my age
group, which I might add, is a young 40-52 age bracket. Have we become so conditioned that we are okay with being alone and that our work, by itself, is good enough? This can’t be it. I know God did not intend for us to be alone. We are all here for human interaction. We were created to be able to procreate. Sexual intercourse and having children wouldn’t be a thing. Okay, let me not dive too far off into the abyss.
I thought I found my so-called twin flame a few years ago, or maybe I was just hooked on the idea. I know he or she is out there. But you know what I mean, ladies. That idea of this person being “the one.” Thoughts scramble through your head, “Am I going to marry this person, am I going to grow old and sit in a rocking chair with this person?” Then things don’t work out and your bubble bursts, and you are thrown back into the reality of going back to sleeping alone. In that moment, you have two choices: to dwell in that feeling of rejection and being alone or you can believe love does exist and the right person will come at the right time. I think I got quite tired of telling myself to be patient and don’t settle. At this point I feel like my Prince/Princess Charming bumped its head and is in a coma somewhere. Apparently, there are now 8 billion people on Earth. Great! Now the pool to find the one has expanded. Lucky us. *Insert sarcasm here* I mean of course the probability of having more than one soulmate exists. Hell, I think some of my friends are my soulmates because it’s the soul connection, right? However, there has to be that one, that one person that gets you. The one that shakes your life from the root, that can finish your sentences, that can calm you through your storms. Your peace. Also, the one to travel the world and have mind blowing sex with. Am I to believe there is only one? Isn’t that what we single people are looking for - the one?
I am not too convinced that Tinder, Raya, or Hinge can get me to that feeling. And with virtual events and networking, it’s taken away the feeling of human interaction. There must be a way out, and I’m sure it’s not by adding another app. At this point there is a dating app for every gender, religion, kink, and quirk out there. Sometimes I feel hopeless, and I am left with over eager millennials, Porn Hub and my vibrator. Or maybe this is some weird karmic payback for all the people I have dated and possibly hurt along the way. Look, I’m sorry. Can we call it even? The thought of logging on to see if I’ve matched with someone is brutal and mind bending. I’ve deleted and readded these apps more times than I can count, hoping for a different outcome. I think they call that insanity.
Losing our minds trying to date should not be the endgame here. I think if we can collectively get back to what we love and the things we love in other humans, dating can become fun again. Instead of ordering a person off a menu, we need to close our laptops, turn our phones on silent, and take walks in the park or go to museums. Fill ourselves with culture and open our hearts to the pulse of human nature again. We must venture out and have more experiences, so we can have more opportunities to meet people. Remember Cat and Mouse? We all have animal instincts, and it’s time to get back to the hunt, finding the sensation of a live heartbeat and the sound of someone’s voice vibrating against your eardrum. That moment when you lock eyes with a possible suitor and the room stands still. The feeling is still there, I know it is. We have to stop being lazy and go out and find it – note to self. I know I am not the only one that feels this way. Maybe I am just vulnerable and fed up enough to say it. We are not products, and I am personally tired of swiping right or left. I rather be met in the middle.
Comments